you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
