1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want her autograph on my taint
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
