I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
