I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
