she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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