Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
