While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
