we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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