drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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