Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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