YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
