It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
