You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
