Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
