Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
