I am in a vortex of obligation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
