I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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