No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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