I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
