I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
