her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i now understand why vodka
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
