Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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