you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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