If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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