you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
