i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
