I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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