I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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