My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
