Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
