her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
