DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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