I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
