If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
