I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
