Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
