Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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