so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
