Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
