i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
