I wish my penis had an off switch
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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