I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
