i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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