I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize