His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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