You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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