do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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