Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
