Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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