and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
