it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
