I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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