i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
not ubering you a puppy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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