You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
