why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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