Sry I called you an 8
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
