We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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