So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
