is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
