So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
