Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
