ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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