I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
