hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
