he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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