her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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