i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize