he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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