Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
